Too much to say...too lazy to say it
Ever got a feeling that you are out of touch from yourself. It is an out of body experience of the painful sorts, enlightening - just like the other one, but this one is painful too. I don't know what's happening....I find myself suddenly writing about the painful angles of life. This was an unfamiliar territory for me till about 4 years ago.
When I came to US (the land of dream and opportunity) and in addition to the fulfillment of dreams and securing opportunity, I also got my share of trials and tribulations. I don't know whether I was successful or not, but I do know that 4 years down the lane, I'm not the same naive girl I was.
It is true that only once you step outside the safer confines of your home, do you realize the protection family provides (physically and emotionally). With that also comes independence of thought and behaviour and a chance to learn to make your own choices and face the result of it all by yourself.
Then we mature into adults and become confident in making our own choices and forming our opinions. A certain by product is generated in the intermediate steps of this process, which isn't desirable at all, but can't be avoided and that is - ill temper.
As far as I know we all experience it, I did too. A new found independence gave me a sense of freedom which was difficult to handle in the beginning. I think it was more of a defense mechanism developed to protect the freedom lest someone tries to take it away from me. And what do you do if you see your loved one act like that? - I have always wondered.
I think the answer is that you remember why you love them and that they are after all humans. The rest I think I have to ask my mom because she has seen me act my worst with her, but she didn't stop loving me. I know you might say because she is my mom....but let me tell you....she can make you feel loved or unloved. She is very objective about her likes & dislikes, rules and principles. I always tell her that I've been her problem child and she says I just have too much energy and yes she does agree that I don't have tendency to settle down in one thing......as soon as something gets comfortable for me I want a change.
My answer is that I have a short attention span and also I can't sustain high energy levels for too long and I don't think anyone can. But I have improved my stamina in terms of paying attention....if only I could also improve my physical stamina. I keep starting and stopping my exercise schedule. There is no lack of motivation, its got to do with my vacation from self.
I realise that I have come a full circle in this discussion....thus, coming back to what I said in the beginning - Vacation from self. Not very pleasing, but necessary, teaches you a lot about yourself, the world outside your perspective. And let me tell you, if you think you can avoid this phase, think again.
Life is like a wave, it goes up and comes down all the time.....but the out of body experience is fine just one time because a wave in the negative region of the graph doesn't need to go to minus infinity all the time.....minus 20 would just be fine.
When I came to US (the land of dream and opportunity) and in addition to the fulfillment of dreams and securing opportunity, I also got my share of trials and tribulations. I don't know whether I was successful or not, but I do know that 4 years down the lane, I'm not the same naive girl I was.
It is true that only once you step outside the safer confines of your home, do you realize the protection family provides (physically and emotionally). With that also comes independence of thought and behaviour and a chance to learn to make your own choices and face the result of it all by yourself.
Then we mature into adults and become confident in making our own choices and forming our opinions. A certain by product is generated in the intermediate steps of this process, which isn't desirable at all, but can't be avoided and that is - ill temper.
As far as I know we all experience it, I did too. A new found independence gave me a sense of freedom which was difficult to handle in the beginning. I think it was more of a defense mechanism developed to protect the freedom lest someone tries to take it away from me. And what do you do if you see your loved one act like that? - I have always wondered.
I think the answer is that you remember why you love them and that they are after all humans. The rest I think I have to ask my mom because she has seen me act my worst with her, but she didn't stop loving me. I know you might say because she is my mom....but let me tell you....she can make you feel loved or unloved. She is very objective about her likes & dislikes, rules and principles. I always tell her that I've been her problem child and she says I just have too much energy and yes she does agree that I don't have tendency to settle down in one thing......as soon as something gets comfortable for me I want a change.
My answer is that I have a short attention span and also I can't sustain high energy levels for too long and I don't think anyone can. But I have improved my stamina in terms of paying attention....if only I could also improve my physical stamina. I keep starting and stopping my exercise schedule. There is no lack of motivation, its got to do with my vacation from self.
I realise that I have come a full circle in this discussion....thus, coming back to what I said in the beginning - Vacation from self. Not very pleasing, but necessary, teaches you a lot about yourself, the world outside your perspective. And let me tell you, if you think you can avoid this phase, think again.
Life is like a wave, it goes up and comes down all the time.....but the out of body experience is fine just one time because a wave in the negative region of the graph doesn't need to go to minus infinity all the time.....minus 20 would just be fine.
posted by Neha | 7:46 PM
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